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Fixing Your Sex-Life

Marriage does not necessarily kill our sex life. Most studies find that the frequency of marital sex declines sharply during the first year of marriage, with a slow but steady decline thereafter. A sexless marriage is more likely to end in divorce, or, what's worse, in complete indifference for the situation. Surprisingly enough, many married couples lead a sexless life yet their marriage survives. I personally know a couple that admit that they're not having sex anymore. And yet, they claim they love each other and that "there is more to marriage than sex". Well, the last part is true, but while such a marriage may last many years, you still cannot call it a happy relationship.

There may be many reasons why your spouse doesn't want to have sex as they used to, and I will mention only the most common: They may be tired, or bored with the routine sex practices. Emotional problems like frequent fighting are also a common cause. Each couple has its issues. Solving them might take a while, yet if you want, you can still fix your sex life.

It's natural to feel anxiety when you're worried for your marriage. Yet try to avoid thinking things like "what if he/she doesn't love me anymore". Obsessive thinking will only add to your (and your partner's) already existing stress and definitely won't help your sex life. However, don't fall into the second extreme by becoming indifferent to the situation. A sexless marriage is not a healthy marriage, and things will not fix themselves. So here are a few basic tips:

Suggest sex to your spouse. Tell your husband/wife that you want him/her. Scheduled sex is not as pathetic as it is depicted in the movies. It may sound weird, but it can be pretty arousing, and even romantic.

Try new things when in bed together. Propose some new way to make love or just surprise your spouse, even if it feels awkward at first.

Don't force yourself to have sex when you're tired because "we haven't done it for a while". Sex is not an obligation, you're supposed to enjoy it. Better wait another day than fall asleep in the process.

There's nothing wrong with getting some professional help if you feel you need it. You may choose to go to counseling, get a practical guide or seek online help.

By Renata Palfy

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