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13November2018

Intimacy4us

Dear mother-to-be . . .

Your son and I have been dating for three years now and it would seem he was finally able to convince you to let go of the family stone so he can put it on my finger. (Goodness but was that a mission. One would think it’s the Cullinan-diamond)

Personally I think that once we are legal I am going to chop and change it a bit. You know antiques aren’t for me . . . but thanks anyway that you at least gave him the old ring. Actually I just want to say thank you for the wonderful way you raised Timmy.

I mean, he knows the difference between an egg lifter and a spaghetti spoon and that is all that matters because I can’t even make toast without burning down the house. (Did he tell you that I moved in with him on Saturday? I know he didn’t want to – he says you have issues with us living together, but I told him that I just know that you will be cool with it because you were part of the hippy generation – I promise we use the proper protection.)

Also, thank you for teaching him how to iron, because I don’t do that. He is so well mannered. He even closes the bathroom door when I am in there no matter how many times I tell him that I don’t have issues with nudity . . . my entire family is actually nudists (and in my previous job I really learned to embrace my sexuality.)

As we are discussing family, I don’t think my babes and I will be able to make the ‘family do’ this month. I’m not exactly the girl for things like that and ‘roughing it’ isn’t my scene. Timmy says there are power outages on the farm from time to time and I love my straightener so that isn’t going to work for me. But hopefully we will see you at the wedding or the first baby shower – whichever comes first.

Love from Gauteng, your soon to be daughter-in-law, Candy

PS: Mummy – may I call you Mummy? Maybe I should take that old ring to see how much I can get for it. I am a bit low on cash for my new implants and you know, in my line of work, I need them to move . . .

Just imagine being in your soon to be mother-in-law’s shoes

Do you have sons? Imagine if you darling oldest child brings home a Candy that sends you an email like this. It will help you to imagine yourself in your mother-in-law’s shoes and at first to put your best foot forward. The impression you make on your in-laws will depend on how you introduce yourself. And yes, there are some people that have monster-in-laws and then some believe their in-laws fell from heaven. Whichever you have, you can get far with the right behaviour and steps to win your in-laws hearts!

Written by Annelize Steyn