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17October2018

Intimacy4us

Your action plan: 21 Days to better sex!

Who of us can say that our sex lives are absolutely perfect? Most couple’s bedrooms experience times of drought and sometimes we don’t quite know where the water canister is . . . Here is your action plan. It will require a mere 21 days of dedication to get your sex life back on track.

Day 1:
Declare your views on sex: “I believe that sex was designed to feel physically fantastic, and that I’m supposed to have a sex drive. I believe that sex was created to make me feel loved and at one with my partner.”

Day 2:
Redefine yourself as a sexual being. Remember, the clitoris has no other goal other than to provide pleasure – it’s just there to make you feel good! Sex is a benefit, not a duty!

Day 3:
Keep the bedside lamp on. A big part of sex is visual stimulation (especially for hubby!). Get comfortable with the idea of seeing each other’s bodies in the light and looking into each other’s eyes during sex – it strengthens intimacy dramatically!

Day 4:
Get rid of all your preconceived ideas. What has the media sold you over the last several years? Enjoy sex with the body you have, don’t wait for the body that you desire. Today choose five parts of your body that you like and ask your husband to give extra attention to these areas.

Day 5:
Rediscover the wonders of kissing. Set the timer and kiss for at least 15 seconds without any breaks. Repeat it every day, during the day and feel how you suddenly draw nearer to hubby . . .

Day 6:
Enjoy his touch. Ask hubby to spend 15 minutes tonight on exploring your body . . . without any attempt to let you achieve an orgasm. It is just a focus on foreplay, so no sex. Thereafter it is his turn.

Day 7:
Don’t reach for the end goal. See it as a journey and not a destination. Don’t place any pressure on yourself, but stay open-minded, positive and work on a ‘I will try everything at least once’ attitude.

Day 8:
Prepare yourself for sex. Shave, even if it’s winter and even if you walk around in tracksuit all day. Read a sexy book, eats lots of strawberries . . .

Day 9:
Find a trigger that makes you think about sex. Such as when there is lightening, or when you brush your teeth at night . . . you will smile and only you two will know why.

Day 10:
Flirt with hubby. Ask him to choose your panty, send him a sexy SMS during the day, whisper naughty things in his ears. And make it part of your daily routine!

Day 11:
Appreciate your body. Name five things about him that you find sexy. It can be his job, or his voice (there has to be something physical too).

Day 12:
Pray for your sex life – ideally with your partner. Pray that God will help hubby to reveal his thoughts on sex to you and that he will help you to get rid of the lies that you have learnt to believe.

Day 13:
Initiate sex when you are not in the mood. If you wait till you are in the mood, it may take forever . . . so, make a decision to have fun, pour your heart and soul into it and see how your body reacts.

Day 14:
Be actively involved in the deed! Sometimes the pathway to that aha moment just requires you to slightly lift your hips or adjusting the speed and intensity slightly.

Day 15:
Set your boundaries. Have an open discussion on the things you want to try, what you are scared to try and what you have already done that you didn’t like.

Day 16:
Make turns. One evening a week is his and he can choose what he likes. Another evening that week is your turn. And the rest of the time is ‘normal’. Both parties win!

Day 17:
Quickies are king! Grab hubby when he least expects it . . . do it spontaneously, get hold of the lube and let go!

Day 18:
Make a commitment. If you have children, sex apparently becomes a scarce luxury. But your marriage needs it, so plan and carefully devise a naughty plan together.

Day 19:
Create anticipation. Tell each other throughout the day what will be on the menu tonight. When you are finally in each other’s arms, it out to be explosive!

Day 20:
Make a bedroom-rule. No position may be repeated within a span of a week. In this manner, you keep things exciting!

Day 21:
Create a sex-ritual. For example, decide beforehand to have sex every single New Year. Or every time we win a rugby match. Or every time it rains.

Additional sources: www.ivillage.com; www.tolovehonourandvacuum.com