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Your marriages’ 10 commandments: Part 1

Yes, there are rules, regulations and guidelines. And then there are commandments – laws that are given to us in love in order to live the right life. Ever wondered how these commandments can be applied to your marriage?

“I hit the jackpot when I married Eddie!” These are often the words of a woman on her honeymoon. Until she gets home from the honeymoon and their new homes’ roof leaked because Eddie-Extraordinary didn’t clean the gutters before you left . . . suddenly a marriage no longer looks like a jackpot! Well, for those that don’t yet know: Good marriages aren’t a matter of luck. And if you are unhappily married, it doesn’t mean that your jackpot words must change to: “I should’ve listened to my mother!” Because you didn’t get married to the wrong person . . . “Good marriages are built on much more than just passion. It is built on principles.” These are the words of preacher Bayless Conley on According to him the written Word offers the best guidelines ever for a healthy marriage and it is all enclosed in the Ten Commandments.

A marriage’s first commandment: Exclusivity

In Exodus 20:3 it says: “You shall have no other Gods beside me.” In short, God says that he wants an exclusive relationship with you. How appropriate is this for a marriage? When Henry Ford was asked on his 50th wedding anniversary what his secret to a successful marriage was, he said: “The secret to my successful marriage is the same secret I have in business: I stick to the same model.” You must realise that your life partner shouldn’t have any competition. Decide today: One God. One man. One woman. That’s enough.

A marriage’s second commandment: Don’t love a substitute

Exodus 20: 4-6 gives you the following principles for a strong marriage. God commanded that we do not serve any idols. Because what is an idol other than just a substitute for the real God? In the same manner, your wife or husband is your life partner in flesh and blood and you may not search for fulfilment in something such as pornography – it robs you of an intimate relationship with your flesh-and-blood other half.

A marriage’s third commandment: Speak kind words about your partner

In Exodus 20:7 it says: “You shall not misuse the name of the Lord your God, for the Lord will not hold anyone guiltless who misuses his name.” Maybe you think your slight critique is harmless, but there are few things that can flood a marriage such as negative words. Bayless says words can fill containers with love, hate, joy or bitterness. Your words can sway your marriage in a direction – choose which direction you want it to go.

A marriage’s fourth commandment: Spend exclusive time together

The fourth commandment occurs in Exodus 30:8-11 and herein God orders us to keep the Sabbath holy. Sabbath means intermission – to lay down your work and to rest. To breathe. With this commandment, Bayless is of the opinion that God asks for special time with Him for a long-term relationship. In the same manner a man and woman needs scheduled time together for their marriage to flourish.

A marriage’s fifth commandment: Honour your partner by showing him/her how grateful you are

Exodus 20:12 says that you must honour your father and mother. Parents invest time and effort and money in their children’s life and it is disastrous if that child is ungrateful. A part of this commandment reminds us to be grateful for our parents. And in a marriage it means to be grateful for your partner, says Bayless. What fills the heart is revealed in abundance by the mouth. Look after all of your partner’s good characteristics and compliment him or her and show how grateful you are with a card, a bunch of flowers or nice words.

Keep an eye out for the other five marriage commandments…