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17July2018

Intimacy4us

Kiss your partner – in his love language!

By this time everyone will know about the five love languages made popular by Gary Chapman. If you realise what impact it can have on your marriage, you would’ve already determined what you and your partner’s own love language is. But do you know how to speak his language in the bedroom?

LOVE LANGUAGE #1: WORDS OF ENCOURAGEMENT

Is it his love language? If words of encouragement are your partner’s love language, then your compliments mean the world to him.

Outside of the bedroom: When you talk to your spouse, remember to encourage him by saying something like: “I know you are going to ace this race. You practised hard and you have perseverance.” Confirm your love for him by often telling him in different manners how much you love him. Also tell him how much you appreciate him and show empathy if he is going through a difficult time. Write him love letters. Read to him from beautiful books or volumes of poetry. Send him cute SMS’s during the course of the day. And when it’s his birthday, don’t forget the card – to him it’s more important as the gift itself! If it is your partner’s love language, give him one compliment for every day of the month.

In bed: Dirty talk is a skill that you can learn and from which your marriage can benefit! Remember, there are degrees of dirty talk within the bedroom. You don’t need to use graphic details – something as simple as “Wow! You are good with your fingers” while you are busy with the deed, can achieve wonders. Let him understand how desirable you find him and that you appreciate what a considerate lover he is!

LOVE LANGUAGE #2: PHYSICAL TOUCH

Is it his language? If physical touch is his love language, he experiences hugs, a touch on the shoulder, holding hands and touching his face as a manner in which you show you are excited, worried, you care and you love him.

Outside of the bedroom: Always maintain physical contact with him, even if you are both busy with other things. Let your foot touch him while watching a movie or sleeping. Hold his hand in public and ensure that you hand out enough kisses. Your physical presence is very important to him. He feels safe in being the recipient of your touch.

In bed: If you think that sex in itself is enough for someone whose love language is physical touch, you are making a big mistake. Your partner is not only yearning for wham bam thank –you mam sex and you can show him how much you love him by spending time on foreplay. Create anticipation by rubbing against him during the day in a sexy manner, but also touch him in a loving manner. Jokingly grab his buttocks and when the time for sex arises, start the evening with an erotic massage . . .

LOVE LANGUAGE #3: GIFTS

Is it his language? If gifts are his love language, it doesn’t mean he is materialistic – the person who likes gifts appreciates and flourishes on the thoughtfulness and effort that goes into selecting the gift.

Outside the bedroom: Small gestures show that you care and symbols that you love him – this is where you identifies your love for him. Also remember to be very grateful for every gift that you receive. Give him small gifts . . . in the form of a lipstick kiss on his bathrooms window, a flower with breakfast, a chocolate with a nice message in his lunch box. When it comes to birthdays and Christmas, think about gifts that mean something. Symbolic gifts are always a winner. To keep people with this love language happy, you have to think in a romantic manner!

In bed: Spoil your partner with sexy gifts! What about a new lubricant, a naughty erotic book or even underwear for yourself? Wrap your gift in pretty paper and write a meaningful note that goes with it. You can however also wrap yourself in bubble wrap for a more meaningful gift that he can play with for hours

LOVE LANGUAGE #4: QUALITY TIME

Is it his language? He identifies your love for him in undivided attention and if quality time is his love language, he wants to have your full attention.

How to communicate: Go for a walk with your partner, go eat out and switch your cellphones off. Quality conversations are high on his priority list, so share your feelings and thoughts. Ask your partner to help with planning your date nights. Weekend dates are also very important (at a destination without television). Give your undivided attention when you spend time with him, by maintain eye contact, reading his body language and never interrupt when he is busy talking.

In bed: Show your partner you understand his love language by making time for sex. A quickie at the right time is welcome, but ensure that he doesn’t feel like sex is always a rushed scenario. Also ensure that the TV isn’t on, your cellphones are off and that you are making eye contact. Slow, smouldering, prolonged sex should make someone with this love language tick!

LOVE LANGUAGE #5: ACTS OF SERVICE

Is it his language? He identifies your love for him in what you do to simplify life and makes it more bearable. That which he wants to hear most is: “Let me do it for you.”

Outside the bedroom: You show him you love him through your acts service. If you help to install a programme onto his new computer, take his car for a service and set the table in a pretty manner, you are communicating your love language. Take his dog for a walk outside, sort accounts out, help him to pack the garage correctly! Offer to help him with whatever he is busy with. To communicate with someone in his love language of acts of service, requires attention, planning and energy. If you do it with a positive attitude, it is very much an expression of love. If, however, you do it because of guilt, you become a doormat.

In bed: If you want to talk your spouse’s love language in bed, be unselfish. Spoil him from time to time with oral sex without expecting anything in return. Offer up a whole evening for his pleasure. Or do something that shows your sex life is a priority for you – just like hiring a babysitter!

Do you know what your love language is? If this article makes no sense to you because you and your partner haven’t as yet determined what your love language is, visit www.5lovelanguages.com to do the Gary Chapman test.

(With thanks to marital counsellors and speakers Gustav and Elna Muller from www.beterverhoudings.co.za)